Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Friday Fictioneers!

I'm on a roll with flash fiction this week. Today I am trying out the Friday Fictioneers, another first for me.
I'm trying another snippet in the other new story I might be working on. Something more contemporary than the fantasy I was working on last week.


Elizabeth felt like dancing, something reminiscent of Gene Kelly’s title number from Singing in the Rain. The smile could not be wiped from her face as she walked down the street. Some people gave her strange looks as she passed, probably trying to figure out what she was so happy about. She wanted to shout from the rooftops until she was hoarse about Andrew.

Her happy thoughts were interrupted by the ringing of her cell phone. When she looked at the caller ID, her mood sank to the ground like a lead weight.

Valley Park Nursing Home.

She accepted the call with trepidation. They normally didn’t call. Did something happen to Daniel?


“Mrs. Anderson?”


115 words

Thank you for reading!


  1. Dear ML,

    Welcome to Friday Fictioneers.

    I related to parts of your story. It's amazing how one phone call or comment can alter the day. I'm a little confused, though, as to what actually happened at the end.



    1. Thank you! The "Mrs. Anderson" is from the person from the nursing home calling for Elizabeth. Her husband, Daniel, was coming out of a long-term coma ... meanwhile she was practically dancing in the streets due to a new relationship with Andrew.

      I didn't want to give too much away, but it looks like I left out a bit of the detail that would connect the parts together better ... perhaps if I ended the flash with "Mrs. Anderson, this is Mary from Valley Park Nursing Home. It's about your husband, Daniel." ... then the reader would do one of those "wtf" and go back to see if maybe I typed the wrong name or if it was intentional.

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  3. AH, thank you for the comment... I couldn't really get that.... thought somebody had died.

    1. Yes, the more I read what I wrote and submitted, the addition of just another line would've been very beneficial. I wanted to keep it as close to 100 as possible, but another 15 words wouldn't have killed me or put me over the limit. I will for sure remember that for next time. Thank you for reading.

  4. Dear ML,

    I'm glad you left Rochelle an explanation because it was nice to fill in the blanks. Good story that could have been a tad tighter and then you'd not have needed to explain. But that's just a minor detail. Keep at it.



    1. I completely agree. This is a new story that I'm still putting the pieces together, so there's liable to be some slop. I do my best to avoid that, but it is a process for sure.

      Thank you for reading and your comments.